Something struck me today.

If I were to faint somewhere familiar (e.g. school, home) I probably won't get to live long. I realise that if the hospital staff ask my friends and parents and so on about my medical condition, they would just say that I was all healthy before that. Recalling back on what I watched on "My forest, my home", when Sophie was admitted to hospital, the doctor asked William lots of questions, none of which he could answer. Now, applying that onto my life, it probably would happen too. Of course, when it happens, I hope to never wake up to it. I would just get some lectures about why I didn't tell them about myself and everything. Having blogged so many entries, I feel quite retarded as to elaborating so much on the details but I realised that it is only important that I can remember them. Who cares about small details about me anyway? Most people don't even care enough to remember who I am. Many don't even care if I die. Most of the people won't even get to see my face ever. Who am I to elaborate?

I realise another thing that, if I die, nobody would mourn for me. It's even possible that nobody would cry, for I'm just another person who appears and then dissappear in everybody's life. one who doesn't make much or any impact. One who nobody cares. They only care that I was there for them once and listen to them and that's about it. Not that I hate that. In fact, I've come to like and appreciate it. At least people feel that I'm worthy enough for them to share their secrets with. I guess that's good enough for me.

In my case, I think I would jsut need someone to be there, not even physically. I think up till now, even a stranger who smiles would sort of brighten my day. How amusing, especially when I have always thought that there need to be some kind of link between each other before someone's day is brightened. Regardless of that, I think I have to re-think about my purpose and my life. (For those who are lost, I'm sorry. But like I said, I'm going to be damn mean and NOT elaborate lest people say I bitch too much. Plus, I just simply want to be unreasonable and NOT elaborate.) Such a sad case.

I guess, sometimes, the lonely needs to feel welcomed and the popular needs to take a break from the world. The sad needs to feel happy and the happy needs to recollect on the sad past. The independent needs to let go and fall back and the dependent just got to learn to stand on their own. I need to be on my own and I got to learn to fall back. Ironic again.

People surrounds,
4 million souls.
Somehow I feel,
All too alone.
I'm like that,
What can you say.
You can say nothing,
For this is my life.
You can't say anything,
For you don't know me at all.

I just thought of something. I wonder, in the whole wide world, is there somebody who knows me other than myself. The current answer that I got, none. The closest person which I can think of who 'knows' me best, is not even remotely close to knowing me. Guess people are just like that. They defend for they are afraid to lose. It's sad, ain't it?

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