why do i love you (like i do)

title: my TIAN, my DI!
date: Wednesday, December 24, 2008
time:12/24/2008 12:12:00 PM

I'm never going to put up xmas wish-list or whatever wish list already. I have accumulated enough presents to last for the entire of next year please. And the best part, my room has ran out of space to put all of them! (especially when my room is frigging tiny!) I swear that the stuff toys are taking over my bed! Come on, it's either my bed or the cupboard, if not they'll become dust-collectors. HAH, funny, actually no! I don't have the time or energy to clear up can? Luckily nobody's trying to get me the Stephenie Meyers saga for me, if not I think I will go kill myself or something. Plus, it's not like my brother will lend me some of his room space to put my stuff.

So people, no matter how much you love me, no matter how much you think of me when you see something, do NOT give me anymore presents till the next Thanksgiving please. Nope, not even for my birthday. I have enough presents to last me through all my days already! Like seriously, I swear! Really, I hope my mum don't flip when she sees that super-massive Winnie-the-Pooh box. (and its contents)

P.S.:I think there's like a happy family on my bed already, with Cookie Monster and Elmo and Tigger. That's a little creepy.
P.S.:I can never have enough of stuff toys, but the space to store them really is limited. I should like buy a house and make racks in one room to store all of them.
P.S.:I think I'll go diabetic soon, with all that sweets and chocolates! I won't ever complain I don't have chocolates to eat anymore!

It's like a fairy tale
Without a happy ending
But then again
Maybe we are just pretending
Why does it have to be so unfair?
Tell me that you care

a mistake/ top

title: you made me fly once more
date: Tuesday, December 23, 2008
time:12/23/2008 02:37:00 AM

You made me fly once more
Sometimes I feel like I don't need sleep
At times, it's like I don't need anything
But yet, I know I can't lose myself
The one last thing I have to myself.

How many wrongs need I right to make things go again? What does it take to right all the wrongs? Can I really right all the wrongs in the first place? Or have everything ended with the start of the wrongs? If it's like that, then what will happen form now on? The path I'm on,is it right or wrong? Endless questions, yet none will answer them. Sometimes, I feel as if I've lost myself to the passing wind. Yet other times, I wish it were the case.

I know everything changes
I don't care where it takes us
Cause I know how I feel
About you
Can we bring yesterday
Back around

a mistake/ top

title: slowpoke
date: Saturday, December 20, 2008
time:12/20/2008 12:36:00 AM

I think I have done enough, been through enough. I'm not going to pretend that I am that ignorant anymore. Once again, I shall just go according to another person's wishes. It shall be done the way you would have wanted. But this time, I will just let things go its way. No matter how badly things turn out, I know what I want. And this time, I know what to expect, instead of always guessing, always thinking. The things that you always refuse to say, it shall be as that I'm not fated to know. But now, I don't want to know them. I think I already know what they are and have always known. Seriously, sometimes I wish I'm as slow as said.

You made me smile,
You made me cry,
You were all the things,
That I never were.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

I don't want this moment
To ever end
Where everything's nothing, without you
I'll wait here forever just to,
To see you smile
'Cause it's true
I am nothing without you

Through it all
I've made my mistakes
I'll stumble and fall
But I mean these words

I want you to know
With everything, I won't let this go
These words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment, you know
As I bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

Thoughts read unspoken
Forever in vow
And pieces of memories
Fall to the ground
I know what I didn't have so
I won't let this go
'Cause it's true
I am nothing without you

All the streets, where I walked alone
With nowhere to go
I've come to an end

I want you to know
With everything, I won't let this go
These words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment, you know
As I bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

In front of your eyes
It falls from the skies
When you don't know what you're looking to find
In front of your eyes
It falls from the skies
When you just never know what you will find
What you will find
What you will find
What you will find
What you will find

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everything's nothing, without you

I want you to know
With everything, I won't let this go
These words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment, you know
As I bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go
I want you to know
With everything, I won't let this go
These words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment, you know
As I bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

Can you tell me, How can one miss what she’s never had
How could I reminisce when there is not past
How could I have memories of being happy
Can someone tell me how can this be
How could my mind pull up incidents
Recall dates and times that never happened

a mistake/ top

title: Santa, Santa
date: Friday, December 19, 2008
time:12/19/2008 11:41:00 AM

Santa, Santa, I wouldn't ask for much this christmas. I just want to learn about friendships.

Gee, I feel like I'm some alien.

a mistake/ top

title:
date: Wednesday, December 17, 2008
time:12/17/2008 01:51:00 AM

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

Don't come any closer
Don't tell me it's over
Don't kiss me goodbye
Here we are, am I taking this too hard?
Don't say that it's easy
The hardest part is leaving
Don't you wonder why...
Suddenly, we're all running out of time

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find, you and I collide

a mistake/ top

title: that's all she needs
date: Tuesday, December 16, 2008
time:12/16/2008 01:54:00 AM

She spends her days up in the North Park
Watching the people as they pass
And all she wants is just a little piece of this dream
Is that too much to ask?
With a safe home
And a warm bed
On a quiet little street
All she wants is just that something to hold on to
That’s all she needs

To top it all off, http://www.eposh.net/ is the website everybody should visit. Cookies&brownies absolutely rock! Nope, I'm pretending to be happy now. But, I'm genuinely happy to find the cookies website, serious. The things, they passed. It's alright. Thought I really should stop for a while, find some time to look through the shards of my heart and trying to put the pieces back together again. I don't know how long it'll take, but till then, I will try to be the same me that I portrayed. Tough nonetheless, but necessary. Now, let me go back to nurse my throbbing stomach. It's that stitch-gastric feeling again.

a mistake/ top

title: at least in my dreams,just let me take my time and reminisce
date:
time:12/16/2008 01:02:00 AM

I was lost and alone
Trying to grow
Making my way down that long winding road
Had no reason no rhyme
Like a song out of time
And there you were standing in front of my eyes

You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did this to me
A super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Super human

You're the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I love to not forgive
And though you break my heart
You're the only one

And though there are times when I hate you
'Cause I can't erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face

Dead-end roads
And warning signs
Destination nowhere
In sight

Divided we stand
Together we fall
There isn't a God
That can save us all
So don't pray on your knees
Just, beg on your hands
There is no belief
In this promised land

(Where'd I go wrong?)
Pull the curtain, begin
Paranoia's wearing thin now
It's wearing thin now
(Where'd I go wrong?)
Close my eyes, realize
I've become the victimized now
Desensitized now

The one and only day has come
I'll pay for all the bad things I've done

It's gonna take me, you don't know tragedy
I've been to hell and back, can ya tell it?
Close my eyes and lay me down to sleep
I fear the worst might be the heart's just to explode
And my time is up so...

Why can't I just lie?

I forget the dreams in my mind
Drown the thoughts that have me confined
Good as dreams as black as the night
No one told me end is a lie
Suffocate the dreams in my mind
Drown the thoughts that have me confined
Good as dreams as black as the night
No one told me end is a lie

Now we're gone, do you still feel
The same? Well now, can't you see?
I need help to stop me from myself
Well can't you help me now?

We always knew that it'd come to this
It's times like this I forget what I miss
Matters of heart are hard to address
Especially when yours is full of emptiness

And it's quite alright
And goodbye for now
Just look up to the stars
And believe who you are
Cause it's quite alright
And so long, goodbye

It's like a fairy tale
Without a happy ending
But then again
Maybe we are just pretending
Why does it have to be so unfair?
Tell me that you care

There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you it's me.
I kinda gotta figure out what I need

And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

I've been pushing hard to open up the door
Trying to take us back to where we were before
But I'm done. I just can't do this anymore
'Cause we can't be mended, so let's stop pretending now
We've been walking around in circles for some time
And I think we should head for the finish line

But I gotta pack up and leave
But I'll always remember how we came close
to being how I wanted to be

Far is where I fell
Maybe I'm better off dead
Am I at the end of nowhere
Is this as good as it gets?

To be loved, to be loved
What more could you ask for
To be loved, to be loved
Everyone wants
To be loved, to be loved
What more could you ask for
To be loved, to be loved
Everyone

I wanna run, but only far enough to make you miss me
I wanna take back all the shit that I have done
But I guess you were better off without me
I need to start to be myself
'Cause I'm sick of everybody else

Can you tell me, How can one miss what she’s never had
How could I reminisce when there is not past
How could I have memories of being happy with you boy
Can someone tell me how can this be
How could my mind pull up incidents
Recall dates and times that never happened

a mistake/ top

title: s.e.r.i.o.u.s.l.y!
date: Sunday, December 14, 2008
time:12/14/2008 11:57:00 PM

Oh, my cousins came over. From Indonesia, and to my house. Mum and Dad gave them a treat. And, my dad graciously 'forgot' to ask if I wanted to go and eat with them. Also, they bought two shirts and a pair of pants for $190 for my brother, and for some reason didn't know till they paid. But, well, my brother likes them, so yeah. And so, my dad ask when I'm free to go shopping with them for my clothes, like out of guilt. Like my mum told me to get my clothes with my pay please. Forget it.

Oh, I found an equation today!

EMO=drizzling night+ice cream+dark road+cold night+the knowledge of no waking soul in your destination

I tell you, it seriously is damn hell emo! Even I can't stand it! URGH!

a mistake/ top

title:
date:
time:12/14/2008 01:30:00 PM

You would tell me to cry.
You would hug me tight.
You would tuck me to bed.
You would do all things nice.
Yet,
I figured you are but my imagination

When you go your own way,
I try to run after you.
When you turn your head round,
I see your face, empty.
When you hold me close,
I figured it is yet my imagination again.

Sometimes, I wonder.
If you're as nice as that,
If you're as good as said,
If you're as real as it seems,
Why can't you be real?

Or perhaps, you are.
But, just,
Not to me,
Not for me.

It's better for me to wallow in my imagination.

a mistake/ top

title: i'm a SUPERHUMAN
date:
time:12/14/2008 01:17:00 AM

Weak
I have been crying and crying for weeks
How'd I survive when I can barely speak
Barely eat, On my knees

But that's the moment u came to me
I don't know what your love has done to me
Think I'm invincible
I see though the me I used to be

You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did that to me
A super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Super human (I feel so superhuman X2)
Super human

Strong
Since I've been flying and righting the wrongs
Feels almost like I've had it all along
And I can see tomorrow

Where every problem is gone because
I flew everywhere with love inside of me
It's unbelievable to see how love can set me free

You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did that to me
A super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Super human (I feel so superhuman X2)
Super human

It's not a bird, not a plane
It's my heart and it's going, gone away
My only weakness is you
Only reason is you
Every minute with you
I can feel like I can do anything
Going going, I'm gone away in love

You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did that to me
A super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Super human

Super human

---------------------
Thought of the day: What defines as being superhuman?
Conclusion of the day: I don't care what they say,
Emotion of the day: thinking&waiting-is-horrible!
Logic of the day: How is everything possible in the first place?!
---------------------

也许痛的感觉

证明了爱的深浅

a mistake/ top

title: remember all your love
date: Saturday, December 13, 2008
time:12/13/2008 01:54:00 AM

天空不断下着无声的雪
而我只有思念
勉强能温暖黑夜
拥抱离我已经千山万水
每个男人都有
说不出的心碎　Oh yeah
我还爱着一个人　但愿
回到美好的从前
也许痛的感觉
证明了爱的深浅
不然为什么我还不撤退　Oh～
记得爱　所有幸福的片段
所以才一直忘记要离开
伸出手　继续勇敢付出我的爱
原地不动的等待
就算风把我的头发吹乱
记得爱是我给过的答案
就不再　考虑应该不应该
一滴泪　落进无边无际的大海
至少我们都活得没有遗憾
只要记得爱就无所谓孤单

I re-found this song. It just feels so nice to listen to it all over again. But guess what, pain is only psychological. It's just part of your auto-pilot thinking whereby you feel sad that your time and effort has gone down the drain.

a mistake/ top

title: oh my barium-sodium-sodium~
date:
time:12/13/2008 01:03:00 AM

Like oh my goodness, the banana has tagged me!

According to your age, list down the number of things that most people don't know about you.
And then, tag 5 people. XD

1. I used to be okay with mint.
2. I backstabbed a friend before.
3. The friend i backstabbed is currently my bestest beat friend.
4. I don't get angry.
5. Pissed off is an emotion only for girls, guys only irritate me.
6. I like to go to the airport just for fun. (if it ain't that far.)
7. My ambition is to be a psychologist.
8. My best friends are all guys. (other than my BBF)
9. I trust guys more than girls.
10. I'm afaid to go for a full body check-up
11. I'm coconutmilk-intolerant&my condition is getting worse everyday!
12. I like to do things which are forbidden. (ie. eat nasi lemak)
13. I'm EXTREMELYEXTREMELYEXTREMELY afraid of heights.
14. I don't dare to drive. (yet i love cars.)
15. I don't dare to cycle.
16. I hate to be given surprises with absolutely no fore warnings.
17. I can predict things.
18. I dislike talking verbally.

Conclusion: Ying Li is a frigging odd-ball!

a mistake/ top

title: Oowwhss
date: Friday, December 12, 2008
time:12/12/2008 02:03:00 AM

My arm and elbow hurts. Must have been that arm-wrestling 'competition' with the co. at the so&so place on Wednesday. Really got to thank them for spending my start of holidays with me despite all of them having papers on Thursday. Okay, Hippie's iPhone is starting to irritate me with its ability to connect to WiFi anywhere. Anyway, explored Blahblah's house after going to so&so place. And what the hell, the co. just can't let me sleep in peace! Blehs had to take my pic while I was sleeping. Is my sleeping picture that ~~unglam~~? So going to get into trouble if the photos get out to public mans. Bus-trip home with Whatever was by far the most fun thing that happened. Even if it meant getting my fats poked like nobody's business. Really can't stay angry at Whatever for long huh? Boos to me having to work from Friday till Sunday. Monday's going to be project day! It's long over-due because of my procrastination. It's like, spreading to everybody! I mean, Blahblah's got it. I think Whatever has caught it too. Not sure about the rest of the co. though. I hope procrastination stops with the end of the week yeah? And Blehs, we are GENUINELY sorry about the so&so place and you alright? Should have checked first.

Blogging this post feels damn weird because I can't mention any names due to privacy reasons. Plus, I have got to make up names for all of them! Weird names eh? No choice, kids. Don't be sad with me okays? There's another issue altogether, the biochem re-test. I'm once again, for the second time, down for biochem re-test. Just that this time, I'm having Bai Tong and Jordan with me. That faggot Eugene Lim passed his biochem common test! To trust he was still saying he will flunk it. Gee! Must have been his mugging-through-the-night that helped him! I'm so not going to trust his "eh, get ready to gg already not?" trick again.

I really hoped I had told you not to go.

But I guess I should be really grateful.

Though I wished there were more red-lights.

Right when you said it was the last stop.

And yet, hope is not for us to hold back.

a mistake/ top

title: money can't buy me you.
date: Tuesday, December 09, 2008
time:12/09/2008 02:03:00 AM

XMAS WANT LIST:
1: new 4th generation iPod Nano
2: iPod earphones
3: Stephenie Meyer's series (Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse & Breaking Dawn)
4: the ~~bag~~ that I've been eyeing on
5: 'The Secret Life of Bees' by Sue Monk Kidd
6: 10 promises to my dog dvd
7: ~~a new teddy bear (i am perfectly s.e.r.i.o.u.s.)~~
8: THAT ~~elmo~~
9: a new pair of BLACK shoes.
10: that whole series of books from www.simonsays.com/mtvbooks

Soon, I will get my black shoes. Jane has been harping on it for the whole day on Sunday. Gee, I can't believe that she got a fever the next day. Must have been the food I think. And, I should out the Stephenie Meyer's series on hold because it's just way too expensive! Plus, I might have just found the bag that I set my eyes on, just that now, I see another one that I want. Gosh!

a mistake/ top

title: confusions and frustrations in modern times
date:
time:12/09/2008 01:34:00 AM

Up in smoke, pop goes the culture
The tension blew it up
We're choking from a bleeding ulcer
We eventually threw it out so
What went wrong? Where's the voice of reason?
It's long gone, we lost it long ago
Apathy plus ice fill the void of motivation
I can hardly breathe at all

Confusion's all I see
Frustration surrounds me
Solution, bid farewell
Sedation, what the hell?

I broke the mirror to the past
To find what I was looking for
The bleeding heart of broken glass
Is all I found and nothing more regrets
Short of no correction
Paid my debts, to anxiety
The iron lung collapsed from the pressure and the swelling
I can hardly breathe at all

Confusion's all I see
Frustration surrounds me
Solution, bid farewell
Sedation, what the hell?
Confusion's all I see
Frustration surrounds me
Solution, bid farewell
Sedation, what the hell?

Dead-end roads
And warning signs
Destination nowhere
In sight
So!

Divided we stand
Together we fall
There isn't a God
That can save us all
So don't pray on your knees
Just, beg on your hands
There is no belief
In this promised land

Divided we stand
Together we fall
There's no God
That can save us all
So don't pray on your knees
Just, beg on your hands
There is no belief
In this promised land
There's no belief

Confusion's all I see
Frustration surrounds me
Solution, bid farewell
Sedation, what the hell?
Confusion's all I see
Frustration surrounds me
Solution, bid farewell
Sedation, what the hell?

------------------------------------

Somehow I wished that it were true. So I don't have to put in so much effort to pretend that it's there.

a mistake/ top

title: the updated xmas list!
date: Saturday, December 06, 2008
time:12/06/2008 02:21:00 AM

Elmo down, bag down. Now is the time to concentrate on what to get in return. And I'm going to reward myself with a pair of black shoes, when I have the time. Right now is seriously NOT the time! Plus, my ipod is definitely going to get to my hands, since my dad said he might decide to get it for me. But either way, I will still try to save up for it.

XMAS WANT LIST:
1: new 4th generation iPod Nano
2: iPod earphones
3: Stephenie Meyer's trilogy (Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse & Breaking Dawn)
4: the ~~bag~~ that I've been eyeing on
5: 'The Secret Life of Bees' by Sue Monk Kidd
6: 10 promises to my dog dvd
7: a new teddy bear (i am perfectly s.e.r.i.o.u.s.)
8: THAT ~~elmo~~
9: a new pair of BLACK shoes.
10: that whole series of books from www.simonsays.com/mtvbooks

Right. Anyway, been told that my grades have improved this semester but I don't exactly feel like I have learnt anything. Not even after the second time. My puny brain has decided that it's saturated again. The boo-hoo, my attendence isn't exactly picking up. Truthfully, I sometimes don't even understand why I make myself go school. To top it all off, I let my dread of lessons make myself skip them. Seriously, my eyes feel like they are being propped open by toothpicks right this moment. Darn tired!

a mistake/ top

title: with me
date: Monday, December 01, 2008
time:12/01/2008 01:13:00 AM

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everythings nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

Through it all, I made my mistakes
I stumble and fall, but I mean these words

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go,
these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know,
'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt
Pieces of memories fall to the ground
I know what I didn't have so, I won't let this go
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

All the streets where I walked alone, with nowhere to go
I've come to an end

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go,
these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know,
'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies
When you don't know what you're looking to find
In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies
When you just never know what you will find (what you will find)

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everythings nothing without you

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go,
these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know,
'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go (I want you to know)
With everything I won't let this go,
these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know,
'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

A little bird flew over my head this evening and dropped a piece of paper with this lyrics. How nice of him.

a mistake/ top