I'm lazy to upload photos. So, I shall not. So simple.

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Got my birthday present from Kelvin. He's like super cute can? I told him we going out to celebrate Fiona's birthday, but he have tuition so can only join us later. He didn't know that it was Fiona and me deciding to celebrate our birthdays together because we thought it was too thick-skinned to go around telling people to join us on our little birthday outing. But, Yenling told him when he was on the way to meet us. He had called me to ask if we wanted to get a birthday cake for Fiona. He got us each a teddy bear, complete with his handwriting behind on the shirt. It's going to be my guardian bear from now on? It's going to represent him supporting me and loving me from today on! I love you too, korkor! And you know it.

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Oh, and I wanted to say something else. But, like I said, my brain isn't functioning so I can't remember what I really really wanted to say.

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That kind of feeling is washing all over me again. I can't help but wat to succumb to it. It just wells up. I feel so frastruated. It's like I'm so incompetent. I can't catch up with the stupid lessons, I haven't gotten my textbooks, I don't understand the notes and worst of all, I have no idea what the lecturers want. Tierary institute isn't as nice as people put it. They are basically inefficient. Shan't elaborate as it would make me pissed all over again. Looking forward to this Sunday, very much.

Had Bonnet gathering just now, finally. Pretty sad that Zihui, Vanessa, Serene, Mandy, Sean, Roy, Jason, Ain and Shahida didn't make it. Had a super filling dinner ever. Went home late but it was worth it. Really opened my eyes to the current and next batch of working society. There can be people out there who criticise my batch of people but they fail to notice that we are actually nicer and alot more matured than the lot who are out there working out there now and the undergraduates. Singapore is small, if they are really that good they should bring more investors in or move out to work and really experience the world outside, not just in Singapore. Enough of that cab-"stealing" thing. It's such an unglamourous image to people older. Perhaps inefficiency is what will bring people down.

Anyway, the gathering was so interesting. Those who miss out, I have no idea how to describe it to you. So sorry, my brain ain't working at this time. What is with the testing of our observation skills anyway? And like specifically us three. I simply refused to believe it's coincidence.

Nest week is e-learning week. Still very unsure of what to do next week. I only know that we don't have to come on Friday but the others? Help?

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This morning, I thought I was late, so I went to take a cab. As I was waiting for a cab, I felt something and I looked back. Two office ladies stood there. Following that, I turned back and continued to wait for my cab. I think they shouted at me but I was listening to my music thus, I wasn't very sure. And, when the cab came, they just convieniently intercepted me and got onboard. The taxi driver was looking at them. I was looking at them. One of them said "We came here first hor!" (in chinese, of course. I bet they thought I was ignoring them) I was stunned. Nonetheless, I let them take the cab, since they were old. And I realised that a car stopped behind the cab and the driver was laughing when he drove off. So, anyway, I sms-ed Weibin on the cab and told him about it. One very impactful statement he made was "aiya, what you expect, they old mah" (or something like that. The meaning is there though.) So, the old people are the ones being unreasonable and they blamed the younger for being unreasonable. And to think they were the ones who keep telling us not to be pots who called the kettles black.

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I just realised that my previous post was the 100th post. Like finally, after so long.

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I'm tired and I haven't bought that Elementary Biostatistics textbook thing. I need to go find the other Biology books that sushi recommend and then compare. I really don't want to buy that $50 book, it's so expensive! Mummy is supposed to plan a Bonnet outing, but i don't know when it's going to be decided. Tomorrow is Friday, IS day, tennis day. Should I go for Primers? I'm not sure either. I feel like I'm an idiot. Not like I'm not adapted to poly life or anything. It's just that when you're too used to doing your things alone, you sometimes really pray and hope that there's someone whom you can depend on. So many people in my life, walking past daily. How many would stop to care, to share, to concern, to love? Actually, it's just the ratio that's pathetic. Right now, I feel blessed. I have super wonderful friends who have been with me through lots of things. I've made new friends very sucessfully, even much to my own amazement. They are real nice people. I was afraid they would be like what Alvin thought his new freshies would be. I'm grateful to have such nice seniors. They would reply to my sms-es almost instantly, providing me with answers I need in the next second. How many times in your life do you get that? I must have a short lifespan. Now, I want to live forever, or rather, as long as possible.=)

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It's not free-of-charge. We paid $15 each. Our faculty's own orientation camp. Hope to see ShuJun tomorrow. Didn't get to see her today, saw Timo, Baoyin and RuiMing instead. Not bad. School taste quite alright. Looks not bad. Price is good. Place can improve though. I'm not complaining, so you better don't.

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T should go and patch up with A. Just like what A ask of him. T should stop waiting for Y. I think that it's going to be a fruitless wait for T. I don't think Y is going to get together with T because she knows about A. I think that T and Y are not going to work out. Perhaps, T should really patch up with A. Who knows, they might have a better future than T and Y. But, what if T and Y really get together and live happily ever after? Wouldn't I be wrong then. If that happens, what is going to become of A? Would she bless T and Y? What if she thinks that Y took T away from her? I know how that feels. I hope that T and Y can be together. However, I can't help but think about A. How? How would you guys solve this? Let me give you three days to think about it. I will be back after the camp to check on the results.

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I have come to realise that cakes taste best when made with love. Perhaps I should have come to terms with this thought long ago, instead of trying to hiding away from it. Perhaps I should have admitted that I had this thought in me, instead of trying to deceive myself. Perhaps I should have long forget about things which aren't going to work out, instead of holding on desperately. Perhaps I should have done the things essential for me to get my life back on track, instead of stopping and praying that everything was just a dream. The black and white of my life seems so harsh, but the greys are just too confusing for me. Sometimes I just wish I know the answers. Sometimes I just wish I'm dumber. Sometimes I just wish to have lots of people by my side. Sometimes I just wish I can talk. Sometimes I just wish I can be free. Sometimes I just wish I can stay nice and good. Sometimes I just wish I can understand things better. Sometimes I just wish I can gotten to know people better. Sometimes I just wish I can make people tell me whatever is bothering them. Making people open up make me feel like I'm taken for granted. But, not making them open up make me feel like I'm useless. I'm definitely a failure, or am I not?

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I just realised. My blog had past its first year with ALOT of ups and downs. And I really do mean alot.

Apr2006:
I started a new blog with a fresh mind, hoping to shed some of my troubles online. A few posts of what I felt attracted a colony of ants wierd people here. My blog saw one of its most glorious times then, I must say. Now that I re-read those posts, I feel myself not remembering the things they said and felt amused at my own replies. I fear this shows how insignificant they were, but nonetheless, they were still the people who saw me through possibly the worst days of my life.

May2006:
I got tired of those puny humans and laid my pen to rest, occasionally pasting the lyrics of songs which caught my attention.

June2006:
I wasn't really at home most of the time. Mind was on my kids. Can't blame me, I just love them, they made my day so super bright and cheery. Even though I still have that cough, phelgm from then. Don't know how to get rid of that you see.

July2006:
Quite a month for graditude. Tears were what pushes me on most of the times. The heartaches, heart breaks, I guess it does feel good to let yourself loose sometimes. The times of the long posts, where I really feel glad that there are people on this side of the Earth that cared for me.

August2006:
Guess the aftermath was stil lingering in the air, simply refusing to leave. The thoughts of verything being my fault came back, however, I also learnt that not everything is entirely my fault. That was probably the most confusing part of my life as I struggled to make sense of what I was actually doing.

Sept2006:
Still missing AKLTG, but was getting better at re-organising myself. Felt the pressure of the future finally, but din't want to move. Probably because I didn't want to let go and forgive and forget. Still, I continue on my way.

Oct2006:
Still having long posts of how I felt. Putting things down finally after three months? Definitely not jsut yet. Holding on seemed pointless but not holding on seemed life-threatening. I admit I was still feeling pretty lost back then.

Nov2006:
I absoulutely can't believe there's only two posts there! Mut have been too lazy to post. Or rather, felt that even posting it on blogger didn't and wouldn't help things.

Dec2006:
Ok, what's with that single post in the entire month? No wonder Yenlin complained. Now I realise. I'm not addicted to blogging, but I'm wouldn't leave it there to rot like that. Not after so much things have happened.

Jan2007:
The strawberries times! Finally am out of that mostly depressed state of mind. new year new beginning. Can I really let go? Not sure, wouldn't know if I don't try right?

Feb2007:
The beginnings of the short posts period, probably. Now that I'm doing some recollections, I suddenly have the urge to see how those people are surviving, you know, those from back then. Can't help being curious.

Mar2007:
Reading my posts all over again, I realised that I haven't exactly let go yet. but I was really into knowing my friends all over again and knowing them better. Didn't understand what was doing either. Tough times? Both right and wrong.

Apr2007:
I don't seemed all that emo already right? I'm not depressed, who said I was? Good gracious, all these recollections make me feel hungry.

I'm going to have my lunch. Ciao.

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Can somebody help me see if this skin is nicer than the previous one? I'm feeling abit lost. I do feel attached to my previous skin. This skin seems so cold. How?

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And for those who need a new lease of energy, this is The Secret from me to you.
You're starting over today...
Today shall be the beginning of your new life...
Today will be the best day of your life...
You're starting over today...
All good things are coming to you today...
You're grateful to be alive...
You see beauty all around you...
You live with passion and purpose...
You'll take time to laugh and play everyday...
You are awake, energized and alive...
You'll focus on all the good things in life...
You're at peace and one with everything...
You feel the joy, the love, the abundance...
You're free to be yourself...
You're magnificence in human form...
You're the perfection of life...
You're grateful to be...
YOURSELF.

Saw this on Ervin's blog. Thought it was quite meaningful. Sounds abit like that chair thing though. Nonetheless, his blog very nice to read. I wonder how he get so much time to blog, reply all those tags, study and complain he din't have enough time for revision. I think life is amazing.

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I'm a very IT un-savvy girl.
I'm a very IT un-savvy girl.

That's right. Liang Zhi Lian Ren is playing in the background. But I realised. If I don't burn all my songs into a CD, I can't put them into lappie. He's a very boring...thing. Or person. Whatever. I don't seem to care about him anymore, other than that I'm concern he should break down within this week.

Next week is orientation, I need to find my shorts and lend a pair to Shujun. Or not?

I suddenly wish it would snow in Singapore. No idea why.

Right. Next week, he must not have any problems. I don't understand why the doctor din't give him any vaccination jabs. I wish he would just give lappie that. Or at least let him stay under observation for a few days in the hospital instead of at home. Lappie's driving me crazy. I need to go library and camp tommorow again, I guess. Does anybody know if Quicktime is compatible with Vista? I know that iTunes doesn't, but nobody reported Quicktime right? OK.

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I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.
I need to clean out my room.

So, how should I get down to doing it? Should I just dump them in a pile? Should I use a super-duper big plastic bag to contain all of them? Should I throw away my textbooks? thinking of which, I think I need to lend my physics text to Shipei is it? Should I do my chair first or my table? Should I put lappie on the table or on the chair? Should I clear out my drawers also? Should I sort those things out first?

Know the state of my room. Grins. Maybe I should go sit on my bed and think about all these. I need to mail in that big orange envelope too. I need to go pay the utility bills. I need to register windows for lappie. I need to verify windows for lappie. I need to download anti-virus software for lappie. I need to go get an external hard-disk drive. My dad told me to go get 80Gb. I want to clean out my room. Notice the difference and preference.

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