There was telematch on Tuesday. My class almost win. I insist that Lendl called my class, if not he has a severe articulation/pronunciation problem which should have caused him to fail English. So, anyway, I got splashed by Mummy's hose because the class moved away from me and CHARISSA pushed me into the flow of water. Darren and Eddy took lots of pictures of the class. And speaking of which, Eddy is somehow unable to connect his handphone to the computer and thus, I do NOT possess the video of Ms Teh acting as a cat and whatever photos he took of the class. How sad. BUT, I do have the pictures Darren took of us. It's ALL with me. So, anyway, Donald manage to force me to go for GL interview (did I mention that in front already?) And Mummy had to say that he should do that too when I told him. How evil can he be please! Shipei's class had five people left when the telematch started. Cool can?! Finally talked to Jevon since we last saw each other during FOC. Had a discussion with Shipei on whether we are going to join the GL or not.

By the way, I'm going to make ice-cream later. No gurantee it's edible though.

AND, I failed Cell Biology. No, I have NOT told Desmie. I forgot to tell him actually. I have a feeling he will kill me when he know though.

Also, I want to watch Transformers and some other movies. Maybe even Harry Potter, but I don't know the story of the fourth movie. Borrow the VCD from somebody or get the book.

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I'm officially a hazard to all cameras, and I mean ALL! I'm so NOT photogenic, I can't understand why Rapheal have to say that I am. So anyway, I still went to took another round of passport-size photos because the previous round of picture cannot be shown. This time, I tried to smile at the camera. The effort turns out to be quite alright, BUT, my face was too tan and therefore look funny. Oh, and not to mention about my eyebags and all. Harsh lighting is at fault here. And I was thick-skinned enough to show it to uncle, mummy AND Donald. Mummy said it was cute, but I see no reference. Donald said I had a nice smile on, but I was really trying not to just give up on the spot. So anyway, since I'm like forced to go for the GL interview, I shall, with my ugly photo. Of course, with Shipei, and hopefully Jevon.

P.S.:Donald's GL interview picture is NOT funny/hilarious. It looks normal/decent/young.
P.S.S.:Rapheal didn't want to go for GL interview, how sad.
P.S.S.S.:Mummy says he's going to come with me for the interview.
P.S.S.S.S.:Zihui is like the only other bonnet person going for the interview. I wonder what happen to the rest.
P.S.S.S.S.S.:I so don't want to go for the Show Stopper thing.

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don't need no cash we can make a dash, hit the street
It's always been, it's always been you and me
baby it's cool, you suck at school anyway
so pack it up, let's run away, run away

I know those bruises aint from falling down ( tell the truth)
they seem to show when your drunk dad's around ( I'm here to save you from falling down)
we can go whenever you let go
whenever you let go ( just let go)

Do you remember
we said we'd run
away together
holding on to one another
I'll steal the car
steal the credit cards
we'll run forever
holding on to one another

This is the day
And tonight I'll be there
you know the time
don't be scared
get all your cd's
get all your posters
get what you need from their wallets and their purses

I know those bruises aint from falling down ( tell the truth)
they seem to show when your drunk dad's around ( I'm here to save you from falling down)
we can go whenever you let go
whenever you let go ( just let go)

Do you remember
we said we'd run
away together
holding on to one another
I'll steal the car
steal the credit cards
we'll run forever
holding on to one another

And when we're all alone
with no one there to bother
I'll treat you like a queen
forget about your father
there's no means that justify
you living your whole life in pain

I know them bruises ain't from fallin' down
they seem to show when your drunk dad's around
we can go whenever you let go
whenever you let go

Do you remember
we said we'd run
away together
holding on to one another
I'll steal the car
steal the credit cards
we'll run forever
holding on to one another

Do you remember?(I'm here to save you from falling down)

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I owe Fiona pictures many many.
I owe Jun why I didn't tell her I went back CSS explaination.
I owe Sera I haven't buy which her contacts.
I don't understand why I'm talking like that.

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I have so much to say, so many things to clear up but I just can't say it out. It's not me to do that. I know I should well be sleeping right now but I'm going to go soon. For me, love and concern don't end with an awkward instance which resulted in a discontinuation of communication. There's so much that I know I can say, but nothing has ever come out of my mouth. The thoughts I think, are always gone by the next morning because of me forcing myself to work till maximum exhaustion. There's so many things I can't remember that I feel like I've been through a car accident and suffered concussion causing my memory to only last a day. But then again, if my memory only lasts a day, I might have been much happier, since I woldn't be able to remember anybody at all. This way, there is no way I can be sad other than thinking why I can't remember the happy moments. Wouldn't it be nice if I'm no longer around.

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I can't. I'm unable to. It's just not me. Things are always better without me. It's always like this. That's why I hate going for mass gathering of people. I'm just not built for that. It's always nice to see people happy. But sometimes you just feel tired of trying to make them all happy. It's tiring to be the one standing aside, observing others, being happy. I think the decision I made two years ago has its own point and I should have stood by that decision. If I had but one dream, I would want the nights to be longer. At least it's dark and you don't have to see the things around you. For some reason, I like to sleep in total darkness, even though I'm afraid of the dark.

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Forever is a long time. I barely lived through till now. I bet the journey following is going to be worse. The cold wind is always there, just hiding, waiting for the time to come and freeze. It's Fathers' Day today. But, I'm still not feel good enough to want to be nice to daddy. Nevermind, I shall go get something tomorrow and somehow force myself to be nice. I'm a good kid, effective ten years ago. I think I'm going to go crazy, perhaps I'm even showing signs of insanity now. The inability to think properly and constant not knowing what to do is killing me. Nevermind, it has always been this way since a long time ago. Not used to it still, how sad.

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I'm not sure but I'm positive the world would be a better place without me around. I have no idea why's that either. Somehow things are never the same with me around, and I mean in a bad way. Always in a really bad way. I have no idea why. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I bring karma around, or I bring sadness around. It seems to be my fate.

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Alright, time for a decent post. Just for Jun, just for him/her.

Anyway, HE bluffed me. HE said HE wasn't being emo but, I found out the real thing. To think I believed HIM, at least managed to convince myself that I should trust HIM and not doubt HIS words. no idea what I want to do now, absolutely none. I'm even unsure of the terrain and situation I'm in. But it's a challenge ain't it, that's where all the fun is supposed to be, right? As previously mentioned, it's HIS head I want and really feel the need to dunk. Remind me to return the VCD first though, in case I forgot. I wished HE can just tell me the entire story right from the start. It's so irritating having to listen to it from a third person's point of view. Now, tell me that's just my own opinion.

Next!

Now, I have a slight idea on what's going on. Like, about HER. Sera told me what she knew or inferred about HER. The whole time, I was just wishing I knew something, but, respecting HIM, I didn't ask. Okay, maybe it's just my attitude, I don't like to ask. For to me, it seems like I'm invading someone's privacy or something. Well, as you can see, everything I now about HER, is through HER blog, how original. But it's essential to know how HER mind works, don't you think? To me, it matters alot, pobably a whole lot more than anybody.

Next!

You wanted to know exactly why I emo-ed on Friday at The Central right, Sera? I've worked out how to tell you already. And please, it's really NOT the version that you somehow have etched in your mind! For God's sake, you might want to erase that. It's like HE obviously love HER to shreds, at least to us, it seems. But, I just pains me to see that it's going the way HE wants things to go. You know I hate that feeling that I'm unable to help right? It actually feels ridiculous. Not to say on top of that I was feeling super sick. I, myself don't even understand what I was doing not just suddenly dissappear to go home. You wouldn't have seen me hand around so long if I had not thought that both of you would be worried. But, I was bascially trying not to faint that day. A bloody good day for fainting I must say, though. I don't know, but I still like those with words engraved on them. The words they use are just so impactful.

Done!

Two eventful days down, many more to go. I would be bloody surprised if I don't break down somewhen. Puffy eyes everyday is really not a fashion statement I must agree. However, I do wish to how long I can last like this.

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Note: Jun, if you're looking forward to reading this blog post, please stop. This post won't be in good english of any sort.

I... just feel like flying down under and slap her.
Okay, that was an irrational thought, not one without reason though. Nehneh, waste my time sit here nia. Bloody waste my time. Cmi lah.

I... just feel like picking that Thursday afternoon timeslot for a meeting with e lec to approve the network diagram boiboi did. Better still zhunzhun at some strategic time then noneed go town. Nothing do there also. Watch them shop for lingerie meh! Crazy sia. Cmi manz.

I... just feel like going over to his house to dunk his head into a pail of water. Bake leh, canot make my day any better de. Irritating lor. First I see his blog got update is like that liao, xiang qi si wo also no need like that right? Eeyer, make me have chest aches only. Blood pump too fast because tio scare lah. Really is cmi.

I... just feel like smashing my phone on the floor. But then again, it's my phone, I need to have some feelings for it de lor. That's why it only kissed my brother's bag lah. Nb sia. Four days later got class outing now then inform got change date, think people very free si bo? Irritating de leh. Eeyer, then time also haven't decided yet, what to do also never say. How to have class outing like that? Cmi sia.

Zhen de lor. I really very sian lah. Don't know what to do. Really make me feel like dumbdumb sia. Bloody like like some retarded moron. Is sian one lor. Then that baka, macham make me feel like I just took a rollar coaster which went around the world lah. Stomach want fly out, heart want drop out, eyeballs want pop out that kind you know? Eeyer, but heng, I think he sleep liao, so now can heave a sigh of relieve le. Erm, at least for now lah. Tomorrow then tomorrow de stuff sia. If not later no need sleep liao lor.

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At my funeral, will you be crying or will you be smiling? Will you be sad or will you be happy?

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He was everything I could ask for in a brother. I mean everything. It not needed for me to list everything down, people would just get jealous, and I do full well what that would get me, of course, so does Seraphina. Sometimes, I wish she would visit here, find out for her own, but perhaps that is impossible. Maybe, just maybe, she's here, but she doesn't understand. I still need to believe that in some parts of the world, there are still people with pure hearts right?

Perhaps it was overprotection that I still have this type of thinking.
Perhaps it was overprotection that I'm this silly.
Perhaps it was overprotection that I still hold on to everything nice.
Perhaps it was overprotection that I still am how I'm like.
Perhaps it was overprotection that I still hold on strongly to that diminishing child in me.
Perhaps it was overprotection that I'm here blogging this.
Perhaps it was overprotection that I can smile at the smallest things people do for me.
Perhaps, it was all an illusion, one that I created to make this worlds seemed a better place, to let myself live in self-denial.

Maybe I should stop going to other people's house. Seeing the way their families work just makes me sad. Makes me think of the way mine does. The way I had to live by. The times I live on by myself, in search of something that drives me.

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It's the god-knows-how-many times already, and I still wasn't prepared for this consequence?! What a great person I am. And everytime this thing happens, my stomach would be not feeling well. I don't know what to do anymore. I wish I had an elder brother, all these would probably never happen.

Maybe an elder brother will teach me stuff that I never learnt.
Maybe this brother will teach me the stuff that I needed to know.
Just maybe this brother will teach me everything I hd to learn on my own.
Maybe this brother will help me when I'm in trouble.
Maybe this brother will protect me from everything.
Maybe this brother will always be there for me.
Maybe this brother will always support me.
Maybe this brother will encourage me when I needed it.
Maybe he can help me wih my work.
Maybe he can give me advice.
Maybe he can care for me.
Maybe he can do whatever it takes to make me happy.
Just maybe, if I had an elder brother.=)

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Shujun is trying to make me add Imaginary Friend on Friendster. And she went, "You got no childhood ar?" I was trying to forget that my childhood is non-existant, and trying very hard mind you. I wish I have a childhood, and not act like somebody who has autism when young which was suddenly cured. But, I really don't get the thing about needing to have an imaginary friend. Well, since I already don't have a childhood, there's no need for me to go find it. Unfortuantely, soft toys are essential tools of helping me create a childhood already. But then again, there are some soft toys which I kept, but disliked right from the start. I wonder why I bother keeping them anyway.




Come to think of it, I sometimes wonder why I don't have a childhood. It's not like I don't have a happy family, or do I really?





Did I mention? I dislike having to repeat myself. I positively hate saying the same thing more than two times.



I just realised, I haven't been a normal kid since eight. That just about sums everything up, Ihave no childhood. People out there can start talking about their childhood. But, I wish that somebody would realise that I probably wouldn't understand anything anybody is talking about as long as the topic is related to childhood. Now, I don't see the need to re-create a childhood since it's too late already, or find one because it just doesn't exist. Who says everybody needs to have a childhood?

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I can't believe it. I got sunburned. All because of tennis. 10am to 1pm, under such hot sun, I should have known better. But then again, so what? I still won't apply sunblock. They are so disgusting, feels like a layer of plastic wrapping around your skin, disallowing your precious skin to breathe. Of all places, only my face is burned, except the lower cheek area. What a weird area for sunburning. Oh, there is tennis on friday too. Under the same hot sun too. Luckily, it was raining before tennis on Monday, spare me of the agony.




By the way, I dislike talking to useless wuss. Such a waste of my precious time. I'd rather play tennis with Sera, maybe even Alex, or whatever else I can think of. Anything.

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I feel mentally tired. Being online for 8 hours straight is not good for my brain. But, I can't just go offline now. I need to wait for the transfer of folder to Mummy to end first. It's just slightly more than 70Gb. That spot just behind my neck where it meets my shoulders hurts. I can't do anything about it, like massage or whatever, for fear of the consequences. See, I'm such a scaredy cat, maye just a worry-wart.

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Like what Janine said, I must focus, focus on my beautiful future. But, all I can see is pitch black all around me. Without any light somemore. Have to feel my way around again. So irritating can?

I wish I can bang my head on the wall, and leave all the work to the rest of them. Such bliss. But, I know that's impossible. I'm a born leader, the one who works to set things in my favour. Okay, that was just a load of crap. Like whatever and anything, not that i care. I think I just left my phone in my room. Fine, everybody's out to play. That's why I choose this time to rush my project out. Nobody's going to compete for the internet with me, maybe except my brother. But, I'm like using my own laptop, so he can't care. Too bad for him.

I feel like sleeping, no time.
I feel like eating, no time.
I feel like going out, no time.
I feel like eating ice-cream, no time.
I feel like calling somebody, no time.
I feel like staying out, no time.
I feel like watching anime, no time.
I feel like playing games, no time.
I feel like stoning, no time.
I feel like straightening my thoughts, no time.
I feel like camping, no time.
I feel like surfing the internet, no time.
I feel like watching Letters From Iwo Jima, no time.
I feel like watching Shrek3, no time.
I feel like organising Isanity Club outing, no time.
I feel like thinking of what I want to do during class outing, no time.
I feel like drinking bubble tea, no time.
I feel like emo-ing, no time also!
What the hell?!

Forgot it. I must go bring my phone out, lest somebody sms me. Quite highly impossible though. Everybody's out remember? Very high probability that I'm the only one at home. Complete with little kids playing with Legos and doing proper work. What the hell again?! Oh, I saw Teen Titans perform at jurong Point just now. So weird can?! Whatever and Anything lah.


P.S.:Don't crack lame jokes about my words and those new drinks, they copied MY lines. So infuriating alright?

P.S.: That was just ONE word of singlish, no need to have too big a reaction about it. Just relax and take it in. Smile more, it's good, I think.

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I wonder who am I kidding. I can still joke about failing my common tests like nobody's business. But when Tse Ing ask me wherewe are tested until and that she cannot find the part for isomerism, I got really agitated and partially exasperated. Don't know who I''m trying to kid by acting like it no big deal. I don't know even know what I'm crying for. Just managed to lost part of my senses.

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Create your own Friend Test here

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It's oh-so-cute to see Mummy and Daddy chatting through both their tagboards. Especially on Mummy's. Haha~!

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I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.
I am weak.

I am weak. Both mentally and physically. I feel tired easily. I can't stop myself from procrastinating. I refuse all help. What kind of a person am I?!

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A crying day, for a crying person
heart of tears, eyes of water
filled to brim, and flooded through
sad sad days, solitude
come what may, its a facade
think you might, an illuson

A crying day, for a crying person
rainy weather, darkening souls
weakening bodies, mindless rumble
emotions unleashed of taunting sounds

A crying day, for a crying person

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Naruto cheated my feelings. I was watching the part which Chouji was fighting that fat guy, and I thought he would die because he said so. And in the end, i told my friend, he said he wouldn't die. The Hokage of the Konoha Village would save him. That episode make me cried like shit can! Didn't even cry so much in front ok! Cheat my feelings only.

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I'm hungry.
My chest hurts.
I'm tired.
My brain's not functioning.

I don't know why, but all of a sudden, my mind went blank. And, I realise that I'm not feeling stressed. But, I know the truth, stress is there underneath. This simply implies that I'm ever so stressed again. The cycle is repeating itself again and once again, I don't know what I'm working towards. I still have no idea. What's it that I want. I can't remember. I feel lost. Again. Within such a short period of time.


Attention-seeker, or plain useless?

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