Oh oh oh, oh oh oh...
Oh oh oh...

She's starin' at me,
I'm sittin', wonderin' what she's thinkin'.
Mmmmm
Nobody's talkin',
'Cause talkin' just turns into screamin'.
Ohhh...
And now is I'm yellin' over her,
She's yellin' over me.
All that that means
Is neither of us is listening,
(And what's even worse).
That we don't even remember why were fighting.

So both of us are mad for...

Nothin'
(Fighting for).
Nothin'
(Crying for).
Nothin'
(Whoahhh).
But we won't let it go for
Nothin'
(No not for)
Nothin'.
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got.
Ohhh, baby...

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain...
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no...

And it gets me upset, girl
When you're constantly accusing.
(Askin' questions like you've already known).
We're fighting this war, baby
When both of us are losing.
(This ain't the way that love is supposed to go).

Whoaaaaaaaaa...
[What happened to workin' it out].
We've falled into this place
Where you ain't backin' down
And I ain't backin' down.

So what the hell do we do now...
It's all for...

Nothin'
(Fighting for).
Nothin'
(Crying for).
Nothin'
(Whoahhh).
But we won't let it go for
Nothin'
(No not for)
Nothin'.
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got.
Ohhh, baby...

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain...
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no...

Oh baby this love ain't gonna be perfect,
(Perfect, perfect, oh oh).
And just how good it's gonna be.
We can't fuss and we can't fight
Long as everything alright between us
Before we go to sleep.

Baby, we're gonna be happy.

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain...
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no...

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an un-beating heart.
a body of cold blood.
a mind of nothingness.
it's hard to know that you can't do anything about anything at all.




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I just wanna be alone tonight
I just wanna take a little breather
Cause lately all we do is fight
And every time it cuts me deeper

Cause something’s changed
You’ve been acting so strange
And its taking its toll on me
Its safe to say that I’m ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I’m seein myself so differently
I didn’t wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought id say
I’m fine
Without you

Called you up cause’ it’s been long enough
And you said that you were so much better
We have done a lot of growing up
We were never meant to be together

Cause something changed, you were acting so strange
And it’s taken its toll on me
It’s safe to say that I’m ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I’m seein myself so differently
I didn’t wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought id say
I’m fine
Without you

Cause something changed, you were acting so strange
And it’s taken its toll on me
It’s safe to say that I’m ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I’m seein myself so differently
I didn’t wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought id say
I’m fine,
Without you
Without you
Without you
Without you
I just wanna be alone tonight,
I just wanna take a little breather.

---------------------------------------------
What do I need to break this?
I don't think I've got it.
Do I need to find it?
Or can I just leave it?
But, will I be able to live without it.
---------------------------------------------

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you

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1. I'm a qualified medic. Not exactly counted certified yet since I haven't gotten my certificate or rather my MEDIC CARD! not to mention that I was running around being the medic for the night!


2. Sera, Priscilla & I found these super pretty dresses in Chinatown! Sera complained that she doesn't have that CNY-feel so we all conventionally went down to Chinatown to soak some of it up. Hey, the dresses look like they are fit for beach weddings okay. Super nice pieces. I'm going back there coming week to get my hands on one of them.


3. Night-cycling is over and done with! A big thank-you to the organisers and participants. I've never been to a night-cycling event before and I was amazed at their stamina. Of course, I did my part by helping them with moving the bikes up&down the lorry and transporting them around Singapore. And, who says women CAN'T read maps! I believed I did rather well with that piece of paper. Prize(price) of the day, 2 ever-growing bruises on the right shin. Ah well, I got my hotcakes in the morning, so all's well!


4. Food-filled trip around Singapore. Snacked quite alot around Singapore during nigth-cycling already. But, after that, it was spamming of good food to replace the lost calories! For them that is.


5. The bus-trips we took to go find our food was fulfilling! Took 174&30. Both buses that I'm ever so familiar with. Had quality sleeping session on the buses, especially on 174 whereby the bus-trip from Park Mall back to the interchange takes a whooping 73 minutes! And, I'm not a pig please, I was just made to sleep. And, I needed a nap after all that eating!


6. I re-found my passion for swiss rolls! Though they still taste nicer when chilled. I need Polar's strawberry swiss roll!


7. Well, I manage to realise that my stomach is getting weak from all my torturing and bullying already. But, who cares, I can't deny good food! My mouth is picky and my heart is random! Food, food, food!

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人最害怕的不是爱错而是信错

How true. Trust is like the foundation of all human. Yet, it seems non-existant in my life. Life is judged by past experiences. Who is to deem another wrong? How is it that we can put our past experiences past us and start anew, fresh and forgiving.

I lack trust.
I lack emotions.
I lack needs.
I lack you.

My six long days have finally come to an end. Not without a significantly memorable end. I bet I will still remember it when the time ends, a night of bright round moon, with dark winds streaking my face. All of a sudden, I feel the full amount of weakness that you see in me. I long not to be strong anymore. I wish to drop myself off into a set of open arms.

Tell me you'll be there and I'll believe
Tell me you're safe and I'll believe
Tell me you're with me and I'll believe

Why is it that I trust you so easily though time and time again it's like smashing my face on the ground and waking up with realisation that there was nothing there the whole time? It's tough, and I really don't wish to follow through. I feel like everything is boycotting me. It's not easy to carry on, and my strength is lacking for ever more.
_________________________________________________________

Take a breath
I pull myself together
Just another step until I reach the door
You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you
I wish that I could tell you something
To take it all away

Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there're so many things that I want you to know
I won't give up till it's over
If it takes you forever I want you to know

When I hear your voice
It's drowning into whispers
It's just skin and bones
There's nothing left to take
No matter what I do I can't make you feel better
If only I could find the answer
To help me understand

Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there're so many things that I want you to know
I wont give up till it's over
If it takes you forever I want you to know

That if you fall, stumble down
I'll pick you up off the ground
If you lose faith in you
I'll give you strength to pull through
Tell me you won't give up cause I'll be waiting if you fall
Oh you know I'll be there for you

If only I could find the answer
To take it all away

Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there're so many things that I want you to know
I wont give up till it's over
If it takes you forever I want you to know
I wish I could save you
I want you to know
I wish I could save you
_______________________________________________

How do you know if your life was meant for you?
How can you believe in a future that is forever changing?
How would you deal with problems you never knew existed?
How should you do anything that you never knew?
I think I need the right treatment now. And I know perfectly where and how to do that. My life ought not cause me so much pain and suffering the last time I took a peek inwards. But, suddenly, it all seems serene and peaceful, like something has soothed everything.



Can I handle the serenity of peace.
Can I deal with the deafening quiet.
I think I need myself.
So will you please give me back?
Even a heartbreaker can get her heart broken.

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Open House 2009 has come and gone. At least for me. Not going to go back to school tomorrow to look at agarose gel and the black 'magic' box nor the square. No more trying to explain both electropheresis set-ups, no more guiding people to do loading of the loading dye, no more looking at the muddling protein profile. Truthfully speaking, after two whole days of explaining all these, I still have no idea what's going on with my modules. I can explain how the eletropheresis unit work, what we can expect to see, what the protein profile tells us, but, I don't really think it will help alot when I take Proteomics. Similarly for Molecular Biology, I don't think being able to explain the working of PCR machine and electropheresis machine will help me pass the module. Furthermore, being able to 'perform' the black box trick isn't going to help me do anything at all, since the concept behind it is basically to 'wow' the crowd, and yourself. However, I have absolutely no idea how Irfan can entertain them with it for super long. I can't seem to say anything about it please. Neither can Mingli and Vicky, who were doing it towards the end of today.

Going for the medic course starting tomorrow. Hopefully I will be able to pass the exam due next Saturday, because seriously speaking, I'm totally not in the state to take exams or tests and such. Spending too much time in the new Demo Lab is seriously draining my energy. I nearly fell asleep while sitting on the chair this afternoon in the midst of doing duty. Plus, I totally didn't eat anything for the entire due to time constraint. But thanks to Dr Tan Hong Kiat, I had some chocolates to eat. He sponsered our drinks yesterday too.

Duty today was amazing. First time you get to see lecturers willingly giving lectures on the set-ups to the little kids. Well, like what Dr THK just said, I'm going to feel sad when it ends, this year, for the first time. And I realise that this is the first time I didn't get to touch the immunology stuffs, with all the agar plates and all. Been doing it since my first experience with school help-out. After these two days, I seriously think that Dr Timothy and Dr Choy are super crap. They can crap like nobody's business! Like what the hell! Been 'shot' by the two of them like nobody's business. Not to mention that they are super lame too. Very bad combination with the already freezing demo lab.

Rah! Three consecutive super duper long days down, and another three more to go. I need to make it through alive.


Note: Suddenly, my vent for my emotions has been turned to shoe designing. Super got feel for drawing on shoes when I feel down and all.

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Oohhhh oh, oh..

It never crossed my mind at all.
It's what I tell myself.
What we had has come and gone.
You're better off with someone else.
It's for the best, I know it is.
But I see you.
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside,
And I turn around.
You're with him now.
I just can't figure it out.

Tell me why you're so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.
Not over you....

Memories, supposed to fade.
What's wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go.
Didn't think it'd be this hard.
Should be strong, movin' on.

But I see you.
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside.
And I turn around,
You're with him now.
I just can't figure it out.

Tell me why you're hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.

Maybe I regret everything I said,
No way to take it all back, yeah...
Now I'm on my own..
How I let you go, I'll never understand.
I'll never understand, yeah, oohh..
Oohhh, oohhh, oohhhh..
Oohhh, ooohhhh, oohhh.

Tell me why you're hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.

Tell me why you're hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
And I really don't know what to do.
I'm just a little too not over you.
Not over you, oohhh..




-------------------------------------

Tell me why. Give me a reason. I want to know. I need to know.

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I never could’ve seen this far
I never could’ve seen this coming
Seems like my world’s falling apart

Yeah

Why is everything so hard
I don’t think I can deal with the things you said
It just won’t go away

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all

I used to think that I was strong
Until the day it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through

Yeah

I wish that I could bring you back
I wish that I could turn back time
Cuz I can’t let go
I just can’t find my way
Yeah
Without you I just can’t find my way

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all

I don’t know what I should do now
I don’t know where I should go
I’m still here waiting for you
I’m lost when you’re not around
I need to hold on to you
I just can’t let you go

Yeah
Yeah

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all
Nothing, nothing at all
Nothing at all

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Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
And I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
And days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known

That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Here you are your sitting there
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm sooo sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
Now it's too late for you and your white horse
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now


************************************************


I didn't know Taylor Swift was so pretty! I swear! I love her hair.

Anyway, was being 'scolded' just now for not calling Jamie last night at 4am. But, seriously, how do you expect me to call you?! Especially when I can't move to another place. But, yeah, I know I should have at least texted some stuffs over.






I really need somebody to tell me what's wrong with me.





So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie
What you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it

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It's now year 2009, but to me, it still feels like year 2008, with all the things and stuffs. My year-ends have never been this bad, and my year-starts have made me feel so horrible. Not the booze, but the atmosphere and everything.

Year 2008 has been a quick year. Starting off on a light happy note, slowly snowballing with climax after climax, incidents after incidents right till the end. It's basically it's a year of learning and more learning. About others, about inter-personal relationships, about impacts, etc.

Things I learnt

1. How to effectively piss people off
   
2. How to effectively piss myself off
   
3. How to deal with shits
   
4. How to differentiate people
   
5. What to do when you're at a total loss
   
6. Who to ask what
   
7. How to read people
   
8. What NOT to do with my life
   
9. How to get up when I fall
   

And much, much more. Having been through so much, surely one can't expect me to learn only so little right? But, the ultimate last and first question of the years, is what can I do about my life!

The year has finally pass, but things are still not settled. The things that I know, the things that I don't. The things that I see coming, the things that will come. But, the new year is already here playing in the rain puddles and time is running out for me to settle my stuffs and get some answers.

2009 wish-list

1. Answers to my questions
   
2. Easier life
   
3. Lesser things to fret over
   
4. A better heart
   
5. More time
   

A short list, but thinking hard, it seems really difficult to fulfill. I guess it's all up to me. To decide, to ensure, to hope, to believe, to trust, to carry on.


Won't you hold my hand and take me through
Won't you let me feel myself
Won't you even care to help me

Sometimes solutions aren't so simple.
Sometimes goodbye's the only way.

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